Happy Father's Day

I know lots of Dads and every one of them is amazing, each in their own way. But the one who is no longer here is the one with whom I measure all others, my dad.

I've written lots about my dad, before and after he passed. But every Father's Day I feel this void that really can only hurt less by writing about him.

Have you ever wondered what your first real memory is? Many of my memories early on I think are really derived from photos or stories I have heard. So I have thought long and hard about what my first real memory of my dad is. Honestly, I think it was a day in the summer when my neighbor Pam and I were playing in our yard. We picked flowers and made "perfume" which of course was the most beautiful ever made, according to my dad who told us to wrap it up and give it to Mom. He came to the "fort" we had made under the plum tree and marveled at its construction. Then he went on to his own yard work, trimming the grass around the flower gardens, back then done with clippers, not weed eaters. My dad was always around and always seemed to have just the right thing to say. I suppose all daughters idolize their dads but I was certain I had the best. I still believe that.

My dad made lots of difficult choices in his life. In his last years I was lucky enough to spend lots of time with him and he voiced his regret of many of those choices more than once. I suppose that it is natural for anyone to reflect back and wish they had done things differently. Whenever he would bring it up I always told him what I truly believed, he lived his life as the perfect example of humanity, putting his family first, being a truly good person, and how he cared for my mom in her last years was a devotion beyond words. I am the person I am now, trying to be half the person he was, because of him. In turn, my children are who they are, in part, because of him. And his influence will be present again in their children, if I am lucky enough to have grandchildren. No pressure!

Dad would embarrass me at time beyond belief but that certainly endeared him to my friends. In my high school years he was a stay at home Dad, one of the choices he would talk about sometimes. I cherish those days when he would either take me to school and embarrass me somehow along the way or be there when I got home with some of my friends and make them all feel so at home. I was always so proud when there was a Father/Daughter event at school. No one, I mean no one, could socialize better than my dad.

So, on this day, I urge all dads out there to revel in being Dad. Know that in the littlest thing, in every moment, you are making that memory to live on in your children long after you are gone. Love and be loved.

Happy Father's Day

Personal Quests

About three weeks ago I decided to see if I could gear up to run in a 5K run someday. I had heard about this Podcast, Couch to 5K, that would slowly get you running a 5K in 9 weeks. Couch almost perfectly described my sedentary existence. Up at 4:30 am, in the car to commute 1 1/2 hours by 5:30 am to get to work and sit in front of a computer until 3:30 pm then a 2 hour commute to get back home by 5:30 pm. My excuse for not doing anything when I got home was exhaustion. How could I be exhausted from basically sitting all day?

So, you can imagine the difficulty I faced trying to get started running. I have to say, the very first week basically confirmed my fears. I was completely embarrassed by the fact that I couldn't jog 60 seconds without breathing hard. What happened? I used to be so active, able to do just about anything I wanted. It's not just age, is it? I had to prove that even at 55 I could accomplish something outside my comfort zone.

I made it through week one and today I started week 4 which has increased the runs to two sets of 3 minutes then 5 minutes. I surprised myself, not only making it through the runs but enjoying it! I could have run more but I have been warned to stick with the schedule. It was a sense of satisfaction unlike anything I have felt for a very long time, probably since I successfully gave birth naturally twice 24 and 27 years ago.

I am now scheduled to run in a 5K on June 13th with my son. He could run a half marathon easily but he is supporting me by doing my first 5K with me, http://www.fhcrc.org/about/ne/events/shorerun/index.html. I am particularly happy that this first run supports the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center because I know that various forms of cancer have touched the lives of everyone I know in one way or another.

I am not saying that I will become one of those people who runs in snow and hail at 4:30 in the morning, although I have had to run in the rain, this is the Northwest after all. But I will say I now look forward to my runs when I get home. I never thought I would say that. I thought I would torture myself to reach my goal in this personal quest then say "I did it" and move on but actually, I think I will try to keep this up as long as my body will allow. It's amazing what you can do if you put your mind to it.

What personal quests do you have?

Spring Training...and so much more!

I can now call it a dream fulfilled. I went to Spring Training 2010 in Arizona and it was everything I wanted it to be. What I did not expect was the time not spent at the games to be so special.

First of all, the weather was spectacular, I don't know the exact temperatures each day but suffice it to say, we needed the 30 SPF sunblock we took with us. But it wasn't so hot that you couldn't be outside, it was actually perfect!

First day: This was the day I had waited for. Mariners game at 1:05 pm. We got into our Dodge Journey rental car and drove over from Scottsdale to Peoria where we arrived by 10:00 am. No, gates didn't open until 11:30 but as we discovered, there was lots to experience until then. We found the big names, Griffey, Ichiro etc on Field Number One. We got to watch them start to warm up slowly then move toward batting practice. We were less than 20 feet away from what was to become a great show. Griffey and Ichiro were having a contest in batting practice to see who could hit the most home runs. Griffey hammed it up for the crowd when Ichiro was up at bat and Ichiro actually did the same. I have never seen Ichiro so animated and having so much fun. At one point, Griffey even stood in front of Ichiro daring him to hit the ball and when he did, Griffey caught it. If I never even went to the actual game, I would have been happy.

But I did go to the game. Front row, next to the Mariners dugout. Felix Hernandez was the starting pitcher and walked by in front of me less than 10 feet away. The very cute Franklin Guttierez warmed up right in front of me. And then, while no autographs were signed, Griffey came out of the dugout and talked to several little kids, again, less than 10 feet away. I was star struck!

I had many conversations with my Dad before he died about baseball. He loved watching the Mariners and we used to talk about how much fun it would be to go to Spring Training. I never got the chance to take him when he was alive but I did take a little of his ashes and poured them on the Mariners field so he did finally make it there.

The game itself was a good one. Felix pitched 5 shoutout innings, the Mariners beat Arizona in front of the largest crowd ever to see a Cactus League game and I was there! I even caught a ball from the first baseman Ryan Garko when I yelled his name and he threw it to me. It was perfect!

Day Two: My dream was Spring Training. Mark's was to go into the desert and hike. We went to Tucson and drove out into the Saguaro National Park starting with the Sedona Desert Museum. The drive there was almost as spectacular as being there. The desert homes were built on the hillsides with Saguaro Cacti surrounding them. The museum itself is a hike through the desert with stops to see different exhibits, animals and even a Harris Hawk demonstration. These hawks were amazing, five of them, flying over our heads to their trainers, landing on the top of cacti and wowing the crowd. Then there was the hike into the forest of cactus which was a unique experience in and of itself. In reality, we could have spent the entire time seeing this wonderful desert.

Day Three: A trip to Scottsdale Stadium, within walking distance from our hotel to see San Francisco play Texas. Had to pick up a little souvenir for our great nephew whose daddy is a great Giants fan and the food at this stadium was the best of all we saw. It was another day in paradise and we saw a great game that went into the 9th inning tied. Again, our wonderful sunscreen did the job, no sunburns!

Day Four: Unfortunately a late night on the town on day three left us feeling old, tired and yes, a little under the weather if you know what I mean. We did manage to get ourselves out to Surprise Stadium though to watch our third game, KC vs the Cubs. We got to see Lou Pinella again. We were told this was a must see stadium, one of the newer ones in the Cactus League. We were not impressed. It seemed sterile and the food wasn't even as good as you get the Tacoma Rainiers. The game was a good one though, again, a tie into the ninth inning.

Day Five: Our flight out wasn't until 5:00 so we took this opportunity to go to the Mill District of Tempe and got to see some of the ASU campus. For a campus in the middle of the city, it was much more appealing that the Arizona campus we saw in Tucson. We did the tourist thing, ate lunch (I bought a cowboy hat!) then left to return the rental car, a chore to say the least. then headed home.

This was a great vacation. Baseball, desert, great food but most of all, six days spending time with my husband, relaxed, carefree time. We don't do that enough and we should. While we don't have any big vacations planned for the summer, I think we will be able to get back into the simple things for fun, camping, driving to places we've never seen or haven't seen in a long time and hopefully, just sharing time with family.

My life in pets

I wonder if my life would have turned out differently if I had grown up without the joy of loving and losing many beloved pets. When I think about the life lessons many of my pets taught me, I think that might be the case.

The first memory I really have of any pet was really I think the death of the family dog, Dinky, probably when I was 8 or so. I know that before he died, I played with him and I'm sure loved him unconditionally but my memories are dim of those times. What I do remember is that he was run over in our driveway and my Dad had to give us the news. Seeing the pain in his eyes, I don't think so much for the loss of the pet but the pain he knew it would cause his children, was much the same as what I saw in him as he was laying in his hospital bed before he passed. He knew he was going but his pain was only for the children he left behind. Did that first death of Dinky help prepare me for that? I think so.

Before we moved to Day Island my parents gave in to our pleas and gave us our next dog for Christmas, a mutt, purchased from the B & I (he was in a kennel right next to Ivan the Gorilla). They thought he was inexpensive but after the vet bills to take care of his numerous conditions, not so much. I have written of Darby many times but if there were one pet that shaped my life, at least in part, it would be him. Take the move to Day Island. That involved moving me away from by best friend and neighbor. It certainly could have been devastating. Okay, maybe it wasn't that far but back in 1965, it seemed like it was. "The Wickiup" as we affectionately called our new abode, was quirky to say the least. The whole house slanted toward the lagoon, the trains that went by about 50 feet from the back of the house were deafening at first, and there was an electric stove in the kitchen with a wood burning trash burner on the side. It was decided that the trash burner was going to be the main source of heat and it was my job to gather wood for that stove. So every Saturday, almost, Darby and I combed the beach for wood to burn for the week. If you know anything about wood burning stoves, salt water soaked wood is the worst thing you can burn but hey, it's not so good to burn anything in a stove with no protective wall behind it either but we did that too. Anyway, that gathering of wood every Saturday turned Darby into a water dog and me into "The Queen of the Beach".

Darby was well known on the island for his antics on the beach. He was known to swim for the sheer joy of it and would go so far out that boaters thought they were seeing a seal until they got closer. And even though it was the coldest water I have ever seen, I was known to spend hours in the water with him during the summer. Darby and I were in tune with each other. In my senior year I was preparing to go away to college, we went away for the weekend, and when I came back, Darby had been in a fight with some other dogs. The injuries seemed to be superficial but when we took him to the vet, he never came home. I never got to say goodbye. No matter how painful, I wanted to say goodbye. While I moved on after that, went to college, a year in Germany, many times I have thought about how hard it would have been to leave that dog at home in his last years. Did he know that when he died? I think he did.

These were the main pets of my young life but there were others. Every year I would win a goldfish at the Puyallup Fair and it would live just about until the next year only to die and be replaced. A couple of years I got small camelions at the fair also but they always ended up in a shoe, usually my Dad's, a fate I would not wish on anyone. I had numerous white mice but they always ended up eating each other, not a good lesson!

Some of my pets a bit unusual. A hamster named Bomb. Not a terrorist thing but a combination of the names Barry and Tom. Bomb was their science project. They were supposed to starve him to train him to do a maze by offering food bits etc. I would let them starve him, the project had to be presented in theory and I got a pet hamster out of it. By far the most unique pet was Tag-a-Long, a female Mallard duck. I don't know how I found her but her mom had kicked her out of her nest and I picked her up and raised her. In the summer, I would sleep on the front porch of the Wickiup all summer. She lived in a cardboard box and stayed there all night, even when she was old enough to get out and go. When I would walk around Day Island, she would waddle behind me quacking with contentment, thus her name. It was quite the sight to see and I can't believe I have no pictures of her. When she matured and the local flock of ducks flew off for the winter to wherever they go, she went off with them. I was sure I saw her when the flock returned so in my mind, she lived a long, happy life. Did these pets help me understand the value of life, big or small? I'm sure they helped anyway.

In college I had another hamster, Pinky, and my future husband and I had a rat named Brandy. That rat lived for three years and died of old age, can you believe that? She was always out of her cage on my shoulder or running around when no one was around. Did you know that the number one cause of death in rats is fright and the best thing you can do to extend their lives is to hold them so they get used to people?

But as soon as we were in a more stable position, we were renting a house, we had to get a dog. Beau, a yellow lab puppy, was about the cutest thing I had ever seen and he was found at the pound! I can't say he was a pure yellow lab but if not, he was close. Beau was so much a part of our lives that he went with us on our honeymoon camping in Montana and I can't imagine it any other way. Beau was there when both of our children came home to our cabin in Conconully and because we had Beau, we had to find a place that took dogs when we moved back and that is how we ended up in Gig Harbor, 1986. Beau died when he was 12, on my son's fourth birthday, an apparent heart attack suffered as he navigated through the foot of snow that had just fallen. I was with him to say goodbye.

I don't think I could have imagined getting that attached to another pet after enduring that pain but I did. I have also written of Murphy many times. She was my 9 year old son's Christmas gift from Santa at 4 1/2 weeks old. That was 1991 and she lived with us for almost 16 years. She went through some hard times being punished on more than one occasion for chewing up something. She was paralyzed when she was 11 years old but the WSU Veterinary School was able to surgically repair the disc in her neck and while she couldn't run like before, she was able to live with us for another five years, five precious years. Murphy was the only pet I ever had for whom I had to make the end of life decision. How do you tell someone to end a life that has meant so much to so many people? It was by far the hardest decision I ever had to make but also by far one of the best. When you love, you love unconditionally and when that loved one cannot decide for themselves, you are charged with making the hard decisions for them. She died with dignity, the entire family with her to say goodbye. Everyone who knew her misses her.

Right now, as I write this rather extensive blog post, our most recent pet, Pepper the Cat, is laying on the desk in front of me, purring, wanting to use the keyboard also. I blame any typos on him. He is a rescue cat and while I have never had a cat before, he has endeared himself to me in so many ways. He loves and is loved in return.

A long post but a long life of loving pets deserves such detail. I am so grateful that I was allowed to enjoy these lives. They were so important to me in so many different ways.