A Mother's Day Reflection

First of all, let me start off by saying I believe Mother's Day is every day and this second Sunday of May thing is way too commercialized and unnecessary for those of us for whom it would have the most meaning. 

What I find the most disconcerting is the fact that I have relatively few actual memories of my childhood with my own mom compared to the numerous memories I should have.  I can be reminded of memories through stories and pictures but to actually remember things is different.  I was trying to think of the first actual memory I have of her.  I know it would be in the house on 29th Street.  Was it her smelling the flower perfume that I made with my neighbor and telling me how beautiful it was when it actually had no smell at all?  Was it the little caramel flavored candy suckers she made in the oven for a treat?  Was it when we all lived in one room while the hardwood floors in the rest of the house were being sanded and refinished?  I don't know what the earliest memory was but I do know that as I try, I actually do remember many special times. 

I remember when my mom would get paid and she and I would head to Thomas Finer Foods on 12th to buy groceries for the month.  We had our traditions there.  She would always let me pick out 20 candy bars for a dollar that we would hide and use as a treat for the rest of the month.  I usually chose Clark and Mountain bars, 5th Avenue, Big Hunk and Almond Joy.  She would also buy a bag of a snack called "Merry Mix" which I don't think is even made anymore and then when we got home, she would pour the whole bag into a bowl and we would eat it while we unpacked the groceries and just chit chat about anything.  

My mom was amazing.  She worked, cooked, cleaned and made every day special and I didn't realize how difficult that must have been until I had to do it myself.  But having done it myself, I realized that she did it because she wanted to do it.  As a mother, if you do your job with love and the responsibility to do it right then your job really is over way too soon.  My mom sent her oldest daughter way across the country to college not really knowing when she would return home but that when she did, it would just be a visit.  She saw her oldest son go off to the war in Vietnam not knowing if she would see him again at all.  She saw me go away to school in Germany knowing it would be an entire year until she would see me again.  How hard that must have been but she did it because it was the right thing to do so that all of us could become everything we were meant to be, everything she wanted for us to be.  I remember that before the days of technology, cell phones, email etc, I only called home once during my year in Germany and it was on Mother's Day, not Christmas or a birthday, but Mother's Day.  

I think back on my childhood, basically 18 years at home and I am grateful and I feel a little guilty.  My only care was growing up.  I had very little responsibility and I wish I had paid more attention to how hard my mom was working and that I would have helped out more.  But then, I have to remember that is not what she wanted me to do.  My mom is physically gone now but what she gave me, what I have tried to pass on to my own children, love and a passion for life will never be gone.  Thank you mom, Happy Mother's Day.