5 years ago yesterday my mom passed away. It has taken me these 5 years to try to erase the last memory I have of her in the hospital bed fighting to stay but really wanting to go. I am so grateful that I was there. Dad stayed by her side but when the exhaustion and hunger began to show, the family took him to get something to eat. I think Mom was just waiting for him to leave so she didn't have to leave him. With my husband's arms wrapped around me, I watched her go. I could swear there was a hint of a smile, probably a first glimpse of Barbara Jill.
Anyway, now that five years have gone by, I can begin to have visual memories of better times with my mom. That has prompted me to ask myself, if I had to identify my favorite memory of my mom, what would it be? Was it the way she had the most beautiful handwriting I ever saw even when her hands shook seemingly uncontrollably? Was it sitting in her 2nd grade classroom as a kindergarten kid and feeling such pride? Was it the way she could make such a beautiful birthday cake in the crooked oven at the house at 2459 Day Island Blvd when the floor was so uneven the cake layers were grotesquely lopsided? Was it her unselfishness letting me go abroad for a year? I know now that I have been there as a parent how hard that must have been for her. There must be a reason I only called home once in the whole year and it was Mother's Day. Maybe it was shopping for my wedding dress? It took less than 1/2 hour because neither one of us liked shopping but going out to lunch was great! There are too many of those kinds of memories to choose from.
So, what it has to come down to is when did I have that feeling? You know, that feeling like there was nothing in the world that could hurt me or make me sad or make my world anything less than perfect. Is there a memory out there like that? It has to be tucking me in at night. She sang that song, Goodnight Sweetheart, and ended up with "Now Run along home and jump into bed, say your prayers and cover your head. This very same thing I say unto you, you dream of me, and I'll dream of you, ba doop a doop doop." This last part was done while poking me in the chest which always tickled and made me giggle and I would fall asleep with a smile. Mom left the world with a smile, no wonder!
So now I invite you all, reading this blog who knew or loved my mom to share a memory you have of her. Memories are what keep our loved ones with us after they're gone and with so many great ones of my mom, I know she is always close by.
Happy Birthday, Wes!
6 years ago
4 comments:
Hi Susan-
When my grandpa Vance passed away, Aunt Beth and I looked through a bunch of his photo albums. I came across a picture of your parents when they were first married (or maybe even dating?) in one of the albums -- they were in a fancy looking boat with your dad behind the wheel and your mom posing next to him, in a swimsuit, laughing. Aunt Beth told me that it wasn't their boat -- they just saw it at a marina and hopped in to take some funny pictures. She made it sound like they were always daring and fun. That picture definitely seemed to capture how much they loved life and that they weren't afraid to be silly. My grandma always spoke so highly of her sister Jean and it made me wish that I had known her better.
~Brooke
Sorry I didn't post sooner here mom. looks like not many people responded here, but I have a few vivid memories of "long grandma" that I wanted to share.
In reference to your last post about Camp Conco, we were talking on many occasions the impossibility of reproducing grandmas snicker-doodles. I remember walking into their home after a hard day of orchard exploring, bike riding and bee/rattler dodging and the instant feeling of excitement when I smelled the delicious scent of of the sugary, cinnamon-y snicker-doodle (it was so easy to fill that small place with a smell from the kitchen). Many have tried to duplicate them, but none will succeed.
My other memory is that of grandma tucking me in for bed. You and grandpa would sing me the "run along home song" and I always knew the tickle was coming in the end, waiting in anticipation. But when grandma sang me the song it was always gentile, soothing, and all I could do to not fall asleep by the end of it.
I do not know if there is any better sleep than that of a child laying in his grandparents bed after a long summer day with his last conscious thoughts being guided by his grandmothers soft voice.
I love you grandma! and I can't wait to celebrate your life along with my parents anniversary on the 23rd!
...should we try to make snicker-doodles for that date mom?
I have looked at this and looked at this, but it is so hard to take sixty years of an emotional connection and just put it in a blog.
Susie, you have captured some snapshots really well from your unique perspective. I can relate to a lot of what you say.
My perspective of Mom is captured in a feeling. It is as if she was always wearing a white gown as an angel. With hands shaking, she would raise them to your face and caress your cheeks with love and then gently give you a kiss. She always did that in a way that let you know how important you are as a person. Never showing disappointment only positive love.
I think back over our lives together and realize how much she overcame to achieve success. How much she gave of herself so us kids could prosper. And she did so without once asking for anything in return. Unconditional!
I am reminded of the time the Jahova Witness came to the door and Mom invited him in and he gave his speech about what the Bible says and without the aid of a Bible Mom would countermand his assertions with explanations of the rest of the verse. She was so well read in so many areas. Pure knowledge to lead, accept and give.
Even in her last years, when her memory was failing, she had a grace and unflappable smile mixed with her often spontaneous quip that would make you laugh and, most importantly, let you know she was alright. She would say, "I am fine!"
Whether she was dealing with one of us having an injury or one of us suffering emotionally, Mom kept a calm insight that let us know there was nothing to fear and that the next day would bring sunshine and joy. It was truly a joyous feeling knowing she was there every day no matter what.
Saying Goodbye to Mom was about the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Though I carry her memory in my heart, there remains an empty hole in my life that I will know until I die.
The memory of Mom is a feeling of so many emotions more than special moments in themselves. I cry when I am alone and remembering.
Lin, Jr.
Oh how I loved my sister Jean who was 15 when I was born. She taught me so many things----how to make funny faces and laugh until it hurt stands out in my memory. Born to be teachers---we had that in common. She bravely taught the pre-teens and teens and I opted for the primary grades where the kids still thought they liked you. I think her students received the best of the best in their classes. We have a love a chocolate in our genes also and at her birthday celebration one year she smiled as she told me that the cookies I brought were her mom's cookies. She was not always with us mentally at that time, but she certainly knew her chocolate treats!! I will always sing the Navy songs you taught me and I will always hear you singing them with me.!
Love,
Beth
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